Why Am I Losing All My Friends?
Finding and keeping friends in adulthood is quite different from the days when you played on the playground at recess. Learning how to maintain friendships over time requires work, sacrifice, and loyalty. If you don’t have many friends, it’s time to do some soul searching and consider the possible reasons why the friendships do not last. Ask yourself if you’re doing anything subconsciously and if you see yourself in any of these reasons, make a conscious effort to change yourself for the better if you want your friends to stick around.
- You Complain All the Time
If you’re constantly complaining about your job, lack of money, your husband or lack thereof, your kids, your unfair life, people won’t care to spend a lot of time with you. Complaining gets old very quickly. Focus on developing a more positive and upbeat attitude. There are a variety of interesting topics to discuss rather than what’s going wrong in your life. There are so many reasons for you to be grateful for your life.
- You Kick Your Friends to The Curb When You’re in a Relationship
Ladies, let’s be honest. How many of you will leave your friend hanging for that new man in your life? No matter what, every time he calls and wants to see you everything else is put on hold. You tell yourself that your friends will understand. If you are guilty of ditching your friends every time you begin dating someone new, it’s likely your friends won’t sit around and wait on you. Instead, they’ll move on without you. They will not ask you if you want to get together because they feel like the answer will always be that you are hanging out with your new love interest. Let’s be clear, friends should support and encourage one another’s dating however, it’s important to find a balance between spending time with your friends and your latest romantic interest.
- You’re Selfish
Consider whether or not your selfishness is contributing to the fact that you don’t have friends. Friendship requires you to give of yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. If it has to be all about you, what you want, and where you want to go without ever thinking about the other person, then it is quite likely that your friends won’t tolerate you for very long.
- You Don’t Care About Your Friends
If you don’t take the time out to really show that you care about what’s happening in your friends’ lives, your friendships will fizzle out. Always take the time to show an interest in how they are doing. Find out what’s happening in their world. Ask about work, school, family, and any other topics that you know are important to your friends. When you continue to show that you don’t care people will likely feel insulted and this may cause a rift in the relationship.
- You Stir Up Drama
Are you guilty of always of stirring up trouble? It’s likely that people will try to avoid you and the drama that comes along with you. Do you always blame others, can’t keep secrets, or try to annoy people on purpose? People will not want to stick around. If you gossip non-stop, people will recognize that you likely talk about them as well. Don’t talk negatively about other people or spread rumors. Instead, show that you can be trusted to respect your friend’s privacy.
- You Get Jealous
Do you feel jealous when your friend gets a promotion at work, buys a new car, or enters into a new relationship? If so, it’s likely going to lead to problems. Celebrate with your friends and feel happy for them when they succeed. If you’re always feeling jealous, your attitude will become obvious, even if you try to hide it. Don’t be a fake friend. Take some time out to do some internal soul searching to find out why you feel this way about your friends accomplishments.
- You Expect Too Much From Friends
If you expect your friends to always be available or always meet your needs, you’ll be disappointed and disillusioned with the friendships. Your friends will hurt your feelings sometimes and will likely disappoint you from time to time. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good people or that you shouldn’t remain friends with them. Don’t just shut down. Communicate with your friends to let them know how you feel. Learn how to practice forgiveness and move on with the friendship. Don’t get stuck on the problem. Focus on the solution.
Sometimes in life, there is a good chance that not having friends isn’t related to a specific character flaw. Perhaps you haven’t had the opportunity to meet people whose company you really enjoy. If that is the case, learn to create opportunities to meet other people based on your interests and activities. Volunteer or attend a networking mixer, take a chance and strike up a conversation with a stranger. It just might turn into a lifelong friendship.
Even Better Together,
Trina & Valerie